“What are you two girls giggling about in the curtains?” asks Mrs. Bennett “It’s a beautiful day this morning and they need to be opened up to bring some light into the room”.
“They’re closed because we don’t want him to see us!” explains Kitty stifling her laughter between words.
“I think that makes 27 times now! I wonder if he will make 30!” delightfully exclaims Lydia and then in a sing- song voice “Oh Liz! You need to come here!”
Liz has been sitting at the kitchen table with her dad discussing the recent political events dispersed with satirical comments that have flashed on the yahoo news page on her phone over a hot mug of cappuccino. Liz rolls her eyes on hearing her name called for the millionth time from the other room. “I’ll be there in a minute!” she yells back through the swinging doors while her mother enters the kitchen to find some more toast.
“You’re not going to want to miss this!” yells Kitty throwing herself into fits of laughter back on the couch.
“What is it? You both look like peeping toms! Hopefully, our neighbors haven’t noticed!” rebukes Liz wondering what is causing her sisters annoying curiosity.
“You can sit here for a minute and take my place on the couch. You’ll see in about 37 seconds, I’ve been timing him” punctually remarks Lydia with a teasing tone.
Liz glares back in return. She believes that all the excitement is probably from something like their neighbor across the street who likes to water her flowers in her housecoat.
“Here he comes!” squeals Kitty punching her sister in the shoulder as the tension mounts for the stranger’s arrival.
Just then a large white van with a huge red shield slowly approaches the house going approximately three miles per hour and abruptly breaking with a jerk directly in front of their home.
Liz gasps. The van suddenly hits the gas and burns rubber on the road as it takes off around the corner.
The girls are laughing so hard, kitty accidently falls off the couch knocking her head gently on the floor.
Liz, however, is not amused.
“How long has he been doing that?” tepidly asks Liz not sure she really wants to hear a reply.
“This makes 29 times! He’s been going around for the last two hours!” giggles Lydia hugging her younger sister while helping her to stand up.
“Why is he doing that?” angrily asks Liz knowing the answer is probably on that she probably doesn’t want to hear.
“He likes you Liz!” Frankly states Lydia as if being liked by a boy is common knowledge and something that should be understood.
“Liz has a boyfriend! Liz has a boyfriend!” sings Kitty as if she is still in grade school dancing around Liz who is tempted to shake her in order for her to stop.
“He is not my boyfriend. Stop that! Ugghh . . .” growls Liz in return opening the front door and walking outside as the white van attempts to approach the house again.
The van slams on the breaks after being noticed a half a block from the house and sits in the middle of the street. A couple minutes pass. A car honks behind him because of being blocked in and unable to pass. After angrily shouting back at the van, the neighbor pulls into his driveway next door.
The neighbor looks over at Liz while getting out, “Is that one of your friends? You need to teach him how to drive!” before angrily stomping in his front door as Liz lies and gently shakes her head ‘no’.
The van begins to slowly back up down the street but stops time to time as it veers towards cars parallel parked along the sides of the suburban neighborhood. Afraid that Liz will lose more neighbors as friends if their cars are hit, Liz raises her hands and waves him to come towards her home.
Lydia and Kitty have taken their places at the front window and knock to get Liz’s attention. They are bent over in laughter at her. Liz scowls back.
The big white van with the large red shield slowly pulls into the driveway. Collins is grinning ear-to-ear as he stumbles out of the van having missed the first stoop. He is wearing a purple t-shirt that reads “In all the constellations –you’ve finally found a star” with yellow and blue plaid checkered shorts with black knee-high socks and plastic brown sandals.
“Hi Liz!” softly sighs Collins sauntering up to her on the front lawn as Liz patiently waits for him.
“Hello Collins. What are you doing here today?” politely asks Liz twisting a dandelion in her hand a little nervous about what might come next.
“I thought that I would drop by and see you. I’m sorry that I smell like grass. I’ve been mowing my lawn today when I thought that I’d take a break and come by and talk to you for a few minutes” honestly remarks Collins scratching his knee where some leftover grass remains.
“Come on into the house. I’ll get you some lemonade. Everybody is there except Jane and Mary who have gone to the library this morning” explains Liz hoping that the company will make things more comfortable between them.
“I’d rather talk to you out here by yourself, if you don’t mind” suggests Collins.
“Actually, it’s rather cooler inside. Why don’t we go inside with everyone else?” confidently offers Liz not wanting to have any private conversation.
“But I want to stay outside! I’ve noticed you admiring me for quite a long time” starts Collins.
“Uh, I’m going inside right now” interrupts Liz not knowing where Collins is headed with his comments.
“You’ve been quite attracted to me and it has been obvious to me. It’s time we discussed our true feelings towards one another” continues Collins anxiously grabbing her hand.
“I don’t know about that. I think some lemonade might help cool you down. It’s been pretty hot today” counters Liz not wanting to hear anything more.
“No, Liz. It’s time that you tell me all that is on your heart and expose your undying passion for me!” sincerely gasps Collins and he pulls Liz’s hand towards his heart.
“I think you might be just a little mistaken” states Liz not sure how to counteract this last statement.
“You’ve been so obvious. Everyone has noticed that you can’t keep your eyes off of me!” intensely explains Collins “I know that I’m good looking and that many women find me attractive but I have succumbed to your verdant infatuation and find myself thrown into the squalor of your love!”
“What squalor? If I had love, it certainly wouldn’t be lost in some pit of darkness and filth!” angrily states Liz trying to shake Collins lose from his grasp on her hand.
“But I’ve told everyone how much you admire me and that I’m defenseless against your ardor!” mercilessly explains Collins as he tries to grasp at least one hand while Liz attempts to keep her hands away from him.
To Lydia and Kitty watching inside it looks like a girlish hand fight that they might have had in second grade. They look at each other unable to contain their laughter at the hysterical silent performance in front of them.
“Lt. Collins, you have been terribly mislead and mistaken. I do not share you affection or interest. I really think that you will find someone else that will meet what you are looking for” offers Liz not wanting to hurt his feelings but feeling repulsed by his confession at the same time.
“Liz – you have thrown yourself at me. Everyone has seen it! How can you deny it? Are you playing hard to get? I know girls like to play hard to get with the man they love. I’ve seen it in the movies before” rationalizes Collins as he places a hand on each of Liz’s shoulders.
Liz pushes his hands away. “I’m not playing hard-to-get. I’m being straight forward. I’m not playing any type of game with you. I am not interested but there is someone who is and you need to find her.” Liz hopes that he will have noticed Mary’s interest by now.
“There’s never been anyone but you. You have published your affection for me in your statements, the clothes you wear, how you behave towards me!” rebukes Collins offended that Liz could even suggest that she wasn’t dying with love for him.
“I didn’t do or wear anything that suggested anything other than friendship towards you!” yells Liz appalled that he would suggest such a thing.
“Your costume matched mine! It even had a white cape just like mine! I sang to you and you listened!” counters Collins “We are a duo! A pair! A half of each heart!”
Liz is silent for a moment at a loss for words. She looks down at her feet trying to find something worthwhile to say that will not hurt his feelings but will give him a clear message.
“Collins, I’m sorry if I mislead you but there are other women who are interested in you and they would make a much better match then me. You like to be the center of attention and I would get in the way. I think you are much better off without me” kindly but firmly offers Liz not wanting to continue this discussion much longer.
“You are trying to make me tell you how wonderful I would be for you. I’m an outstanding preacher and you could proofread my sermons but I would then also have Major DeBourgh read them as well she is one of the best proofreaders I know; I’m related so you can be promoted in the Army quickly because of my name because no one knows your family name; I’m an excellent singer and will be invited to a lot of territorial events that you can tag along as well even though uninvited; you’ve might not be aware but I’ve met all the generals and I can introduce them to you but you’ll have to remember to be polite and let me speak first . . .” arrogantly rambles Collins to Liz’s dismay.
“Collins, listen to me. I’m not doing anything like that! By the way, I know how to write and do not need anyone’s help – that’s my job! You need to go home!” yells Liz from feeling insulted by his rationale as she stomps off and slams the front door.
Collins stands in front of the bushes staring into the large front window and vindictively yells “Liz Bennett! You’re not good enough for me! You’ve lost your chance and it will only come around once in your lifetime!”
Inside tears are forming down Liz’s cheeks in anger and slight hurt fearing that he may be right with his forecast about future love in her life. But then she shakes off that momentary discouragement and whispers under her breath, “He’s a moron!”
Mrs. Bennett comes running down the stairs on hearing the front door slam. “Liz! I heard the good news! Collins came over today just to see you! Your sisters say he is proposing! You can be an officer now and won’t have to be single!”
“First off, I don’t need to be married to be an officer. Secondly, he did not propose to me. Thirdly, I wouldn’t have accepted him if he had. I am NOT interested in Collins!”
“Yes you are!” shouts Mrs. Bennett “He’s the only man that has been interested in you in a long time!”
“No, I am not! I will wait for the right man if he should come along. I’m not marrying anyone I am not in love with!” incredulously argues Liz.
“But he’s in love with you, isn’t that enough?” replies Mrs. Bennett “Beggars can’t be choosers”.
“I’m not begging. I didn’t ask for him to like me. I didn’t lead him on. I’m not desperate!” angrily states Liz.
“But you’re getting so old and you need to find somebody soon! Collins is perfectly fine. Yes, he is a little weird and eccentric at times, but you can change that!” replies Mrs. Bennett not understanding why her daughter would give up so quickly on this chance at love.
“I’m not. Someone will come into my life when the time is right” defends Liz knowing that she has prayed for a husband for many years now believing that God will compassionately bring about that moment.
“You need to give up your daydreams. You’ve always been so full of such nonsense. You liked too many fairy tales as a young girl. There are not princes or heroes in this world. You need to settle for what is in front of you. There are plenty of good looking men around. Collins could be the right one for you. You’ll never know unless you give him a chance!” replies Mrs. Bennett.
“This discussion is over! It is my life!” snaps Liz not wanting to continue the argument any longer.
“I’m going to see if your father can talk any sense into you. Really, Liz, you are impossible!” slamming the bathroom door behind her with sounds of huge fake moans from behind the door.
Liz is already headed toward the kitchen where she suspects to find her father still reading his morning paper as he does every Saturday morning with his coffee.
“Liz, you’ve made your mother cry and have broken her heart so that it will never be recovered” starts Mr. Bennett with a smirk but with his eyes dancing.
Fussing with great excitement, Mrs. Bennett enters the kitchen and stands beside Liz “I suppose you have already heard. Liz has told Collins that she is not interested in him and has given up her last hope!”
“Ummm . . . I suppose hopes are in limited supply. Because I for one am glad that she has surrendered this hope even if it be her last one. Perhaps she can borrow one of mine. Because I hope she finds someone else to match her heart and spirit to love instead” states Mr. Bennett with a smile to the absolute annoyance of Mrs. Bennett.
“Men just do not understand!” Mrs. Bennett huffs under her breath and then walking away “He never takes my side!”
“Thank you dad!” as Liz hugs her father “Thank you for understanding!”
“I don’t see him making you very happy Liz. It is rather a selfish thing I would rather have happy grandchildren where their parents will come visit me often. However, I don’t think that I would invite him much to my home. I would like to keep our neighbors as my friends.”
No comments:
Post a Comment