“Girls! Your mother’s prayers have been finally answered!” yells Mr. Bennett up the stairs as the girls head down to see what their father is so excited about.
“What are you talking about?” ask Liz acting half amused by her father’s statement.
“I wanted to make a family announcement so that you all can hear. Liz and Jane this includes you as well” teasingly states Mr. Bennett grabbing his perturbed wife by her waist.
“Mrs. Bennett has just informed me of some exciting news in regards to Longbourne Citadel. The earnest prayers of your mother and all of you have been answered. Longbourne is finally been sent a single man” states Mr. Bennett looking around to see that he has all five daughters attention.
The girls anxiously look back in return. “Who is it?” asks Kitty “Is he cute?”
“I’m certain that he will certainly fulfill the wishes of at least one lucky girl waiting to lose her senses and be star-crossed in loved once in awhile. She will forget everyday details such as homework decorated with hearts and a string of repetitive “Mr & Mrs” and wonder where it was misplaced only to find it in the refrigerator. She will forget her name when it is called. She will sing off-key to endless love songs on the radio to the annoyance of every else in the house. But ultimately she will be crushed by unrequited love and we will be left to pick up the pieces.”
“Who’s coming, dad?” asks Lydia rolling her eyes “Any guy I like is definitely going to like me back!”
“Your mother tells me that we should have met him before. He is a young lieutenant coming to us from Crestwood. Evidently, he must be one of the sharper cadets from his session since he was stationed as such a grand corps.” Sighing to the side, Mr. Bennett adds “However, after speaking to him this afternoon I will graciously let you be the finer judge of character and wit. He may make a son-in-law yet!”
“Is he tall?” asks Mary suspecting that this may be “her” lieutenant that she watched during the wedding at Netherfield.
“I don’t Mary. I haven’t been able to see through the phone yet. However, you might sign me up for Skype and I will check him out for you” smiling replies Mr. Bennett patting her on the back.
“I don’t remember there being a good-looking Lieutenant at the concert. Are you sure he was there?” asks Lydia trying desperately to recall every eligible man at the wedding whom she rated on a scale of one to ten. Ten, of course as all teen girls know, being “hot”!
“Well, it seems in order not to reprimand by your mother or any of you; I have invited him over to dinner tonight to welcome him to Longbourne Citadel” replies Mr. Bennett confidently pleased with his memory and effort.
“Tonight? I don’t have time to get ready and neither do the girls. What time is he coming?” asks Mrs. Bennett already rushing in circles around the living room trying to decide on where to begin to prepare for the Lieutenant’s arrival.
Looking at his watch, “He’ll be here in a little over an hour. As Spock would say, “Mr. Scott I understand you are having trouble with warp drive, how long do you require for the repair?”
“We’ll need at least an hour. Keep him busy if he should arrive before then” responds to Mrs. Bennett use to his random quotes from Star Trek when they are in a crisis “Come on girls its time to get ready as quickly as we can!”
Mr. Bennett yells behind them across the living room as the girls rush upstairs to freshen up “As Gowron would say, “Act, and you shall have dinner; wait, and you shall be dinner!”
Liz smiles at her dad but doesn’t join the pandemonium of her sisters. Mr. Bennett asks “Aren’t you going to get ready too?”
They have spent many hours watching reruns on TV of the various Starfleet series and she likes to keep up with her dad. “As Worf would say, ‘I like my species the way it is.’”
Near the hour mark, the girls come downstairs with freshly applied make-up, a new outfit accented with their favorite perfume, and hair styled so that it won’t move in a brisk breeze.
They demurely wait for their anticipated guest to arrive. “I don’t remember a lieutenant being there. There were tons of handsome captains though! Do you remember any lieutenants Kitty?” asks Lydia aggravated that her memory is not assisting her right now.
“I don’t remember any lieutenant except the guy in the corner who was sneezing a lot with the short pants and brown socks. Dad couldn’t possibly be talking about him . . .” considers Kitty wrapping her hair around her index finger as she contemplates the possibilities.
“I remember him! He was heavenly! Do you think he could be coming here? He was dreamy!” exclaims Mary clasping her hands together at the blissful thought.
Kitty and Lydia share a ‘look’. “I certainly hope not!” declares Lydia “There has to be some other guy that dad was talking about.”
“I thought he was wonderful! Even the way he pushed up his glasses on his nose while at the same time clearing his sinuses by pressing against his nose was so ingenious. Two steps in one! He’s so practical!” enthusiastically gushes Mary remembering her attraction to him and then warns “Lydia, don’t flirt so much with him. He’s mine. I like him. You always giggle, flatter, and tease so much that the guys can’t help but notice you! And don’t block him every time he turns so that the only person he can see is you! Don’t touch his arm or get too close to him either!”
“Really Mary, you can have him if it is the same guy that you are talking about. He’s all yours” offers Lydia but then manipulatively reconsiders her proposal “but it means that you owe me a favor sometime”.
“Okay. But leave him alone tonight!” threatens Mary taking a second look in the large mirror above the sofa reluctantly use to her sister gaining the affections of the opposite sex whether she is interested or not.
While they wait for the special guest to arrive, Jane is knitting in the corner enjoying the circus but decides it is time to interrupt and encourage her middle sibling “Mary, I’m sure that if he is meant for you, he will be interested in you whether there is anyone else in the room or not”.
Kitty jumps down the last four stairs with a large ‘plop’ that resounds throughout the house.
“Is everyone all right?” asks an agitated Mrs. Bennett “Is anyone hurt?”
“It’s just me mom. I somehow missed my landing and ended up on my backside. But not to worry, I’m okay” replies Kitty “I may have to go and change though because I think that I ripped the seam on my jean skirt”.
“Well, hurry up! This time don’t jump down the stairs like I’ve told you so many times before! You are a lady today not practicing to be a paratrooper!” replies Mrs. Bennett.
“You never know mom. I could end up being a lady AND a paratrooper!” honestly replies Kitty having admired the excitement and thrill of jumping from planes of others.
The doorbell rings disturbing the peaceful chaos in the living room.
“I think he’s here!” exclaims Mary brushing down all imaginary wrinkles in her floral dress. She fixes the bow in her hair as she hurries to stand behind her dad as he answers the door.
Standing before them in a slim young man about twenty-five with thick white rimmed plastic glasses, dirty blond tangled curled hair which he has plastered with gel on the sides for special effect, wearing a tight fitted shirt buttoned at the front exposing a brown stained undershirt and also wearing pants about four inches above the floor. In the center of his belt, is a five by four inch iron belt buckle with an Army flag imprinted in the middle. He smiles exposing all of his gums.
“Welcome to our home!” greets Mr. Bennett adding “My girls have dressed up and have anxiously been waiting for your arrival! Please come into our humble abode”.
“Hello. My name is Lieutenant Collins. My mother calls me William, but you can call me Lieutenant” offers Collins wanting to take note of his seniority.
“Thanks for coming, ‘Lou’. It will be good to have you here. I’m sure we will become more acquainted as time goes on” suggests Mr. Bennett leading him into the dining room.
Shyly Mary trails behind him observing her height in comparison with the lanky lieutenant confidently sauntering in front of her. Lydia and Kitty follow behind giggling and mimicking his ‘original’ walk that includes a bit of a leg shake and skip.
Behind the jovial group, Jane and Liz share a grin and expectantly head toward the dining room.
“So Lou, all of us would like to know what brings you this way to our neck-of-the-woods?” asks Mr. Bennett
“As a ‘lieutenant’ we have to accept moving orders whatever may come our way as any good officer does. I’ve been assigned to Longbourne Citadel to help your officers with all the duties of Christmas” explains Collins “However, I will farewell again in January to everyone’s dismay I am sure and return to Crestwood with the gracious Colonel Debourgh.”
“Interesting. So you are only with us for about four months. Such a short time to make friends but I am sure you will work hard and put forth all of your potential in spite of what is finally accomplished” suggests Mr. Bennett “The girls in the corps will only have such a short time to admire all of your qualifications.”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean?” asks Collins.
“There are only so many eligible men in the region and you, Lou, are now one of them. Each girl has their list and now you have the opportunity of fulfilling all of the prerequisites to be considered for marriage” explains Mr. Bennett chuckling at the absurd thought “You might find one of these girls in my own family so be careful and choosy.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. I have made a similar list myself. I need a companion who will match my charm and discourse, be an excellent preacher and naturally be obedient to any wisdom I might offer” explains Collins.
Wide-eyed Liz glares at him and thinks to herself. “I doubt he would know the difference between Home League and Community Care unless someone told him.”
At his side Mary unabashedly smiles at Collins as he continues to chatter his nonsense to the consternation of the older guests at the table excluding Mrs. Bennett who only notices that there is not a ring permanently attached on his left hand.
“So what can you tell us about your last appointment?” asks Mrs. Bennett thrilled that a single man is blessing her home and might find matrimony with one of her daughters.
“Colonel Debourgh is the wisest and experienced officer I know. Her heritage goes back for generations with the Army. I’m sure her blood runs red, yellow, and blue” seeing that he has captured everyone’s attention Collins continues with dramatic effect “She knows how to unfurl the flag and shout ‘Fire Volley!” while the rest of us who humbly surround her presence shout “Amen!”
“I’m sure that is quite an awesome show” acknowledges Mr. Bennett and then smiling “Perhaps one day I’ll be able to join you with a few ‘hallelujahs’ of my own.”
Liz skeptically looks at her father and wonders if the young lieutenant realizes her father is politely teasing him.
“Yes, I am sure that Colonel Debourgh would be pleased for you to help her carry the flag” replies Collins impressed that Mr. Bennett is an old Army enthusiast. “I’ll let you in on a secret. One of the current campaigns that Colonel Debourgh is promoting throughout the territory is the return of the bonnet.”
“Oh, you’ve got to be joking!” shrieks Lydia before noticing that her mother is giving her daggers not wanting to upset the lieutenant but ignoring her “It’s so old fashioned!”
“The bonnet is a lovely representation of Army tradition. I think women are not willing to wear bonnets they should at least wear hats. It is the only place in which the shield is evident” replies Collins ready for a debate.
“If that is so, then why don’t men wear their hats inside buildings? Nothing on their uniform has a shield on it either!” returns Lydia not one to back off from a challenge “I’m so glad those awful things aren’t required anymore! Who wants to wear a tight felt hat in a hundred degree weather? Only an absolute moron!”
“Oww!” Lydia feels a swift kick under the table brandishing her shin and looks up to find her mother sharply grinning at her through her teeth.
Collins sticks his chin out and his nose in the air finished in his discussion with Lydia who now appears to be nursing her leg under the table.
Jane realizing that the conversation needs some help begins “So, Lieutenant Collins what are your hobbies?”
“I don’t have any. I’m too busy to have any time for hobbies. A good officer is continually busy” suggests Collins.
“Certainly, the Army can’t be your entire life. You must enjoy something beyond just going to the corps and doing statistics” remarks Liz “All officers need to have a place just to be themselves in order to maintain some sense of well-being and peace considering how much time is spent helping people in crisis. They can’t be very effective if they have lost their own sense of identity. It’s not mentally healthy or wise. What do you do enjoy doing in your free time?”
Not appreciating Liz’s rebuke but knowing underneath there is some truth to her statement Collins offers, “Sometimes I guess that I like to spend Sunday afternoons with my karaoke machine. I like to dress up like Elvis and sing some of his favorites.”
Lydia and Kitty bust up laughing. Next to them, Mary invites “You’ll have to sing “It’s Now or Never” for us sometime!”
“Lou, that’s quite a talent and seems like quite a bit of fun. Maybe I’ll join you one Sunday afternoon for my own rendition of “All Shook Up”” as Mr. Bennett begins to sing in a mock Elvis tone “my hands are shaky and my knees are weak” and then states “Unfortunately in my experience, it is a daily occurrence due to old age rather than as the consequence of love.”
“Quit teasing!” replies Mrs. Bennett nudging him on the shoulder laughing.
“I’m not teasing. My knees wobble and my hands do tremble” replies Mr. Bennett intentionally missing Mrs. Bennett’s warning point about goading Collins.
“I have quite a few tracks from which to choose from” offers Lieutenant Collins as Kitty and Lydia try to stifle giggles across from him “You may join me any time that you like to.”
“Thank you so much! I appreciate your offer” expressing gratitude Mr. Bennett is genuinely pleased that Collins seems to have some redeemable qualities such as sharing “Girls, perhaps one of you would like to join us as well!”
Lydia and Kitty look horrified. Mary interrupts “I would love to! I know nearly all of his songs and it would be so much fun!”
“How about Liz or Jane? Do either of you know any songs of Elvis?” asks Collins eager that either of them might share in one of his hobbies.
“I know a few songs” weakly offers Jane slumping a little in her chair hoping that a date will not be set up by her mother.
“You don’t want to sing with Jane. Jane doesn’t know that many songs that she knows the lyrics too. She spends most of her time playing the piano not singing” frankly states Mrs. Bennett trying to defuse Collins’ obvious interest “Jane spends most of her afternoons with Charles Bingley anyway. She’s already ‘taken’ but perhaps Liz would like to sing a duet with you.”
Liz sulks for a moment wishing that she sang less and played the piano more. “I don’t know that I would be very good.”
“I could teach you. I’m a very good singer and I could give you some tips on how to sing better. You would have to listen to me though if you want to sing well. I can’t stand it when someone does not listen to my advise!” angrily recalls Collins “How can someone expect to get better if they are not willing to learn anything!”
“Thank you for the invitation. Maybe one day when either of us have time I can sing Karaoke with you” offers Liz hoping the day will never arrive.
“What are you doing this Sunday?” eagerly asks Collins.
“I uh, uh . . .” Liz looks at Jane hoping that she can provide some excuse that she can’t think of at the moment.
“Liz isn’t busy. Her plans have been cancelled. She would love to spend the afternoon with you” states Mrs. Bennett accepting the invitation on Liz’s behalf.
“Great! I’ll see you then!” excitedly exclaims Collins jumping a little in his seat.
Mary stares down Liz narrowing her eyes and tightening her lips. She thinks “How dare Liz steal him from me? I was worried about Lydia and all along Liz wanted him!”
Liz shrugs her shoulders and twists in her chair looking down at her food. This isn’t how she expected to spend her next Sunday afternoon. She was hoping that Darcy might visit again with Bingley and be invited to spend the afternoon with them.
As Lieutenant Collins heads out the door excited for the prospects of the following week, Mr. Bennett looks at Liz with his arm around her shoulder “So have you found the man of your dreams?”
Liz flatly looks at him and responds “In the beloved words of Captain Picard “Rumors of my assimilation are greatly exaggerated!”
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