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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Blood and Fire - Chapter Seventeen

Liz packs the last suitcase into the backseat of her tiny car affectionately known as ‘Maud’ which is a tight squeeze but after some effort she is able to close the door. She takes one last look back inside her apartment to make sure that she hasn’t forgotten the wedding present for Charlotte and Collins. The hanging bag with her bridesmaid dress is awkwardly folded across her rather large suitcase. Liz considers that perhaps she packed one too many books for the two-week trip, but decides that since she is driving on her own it really doesn’t make that big of difference.

After looking through her bag of items that she will need such as water, trail mix, and her cell phone, Liz puts her favorite audio version of one of Jane Austen’s books in the CD player and settles comfortably into the driver’s seat. It’s a seven hour trip but not impossible in a day. Liz carefully plugs in her GPS into the electrical outlet and registers her intended location since she has a natural tendency to get lost.

As she moves steady and surely although not too fast down the freeway, Liz’s thoughts drift to the past year. Everything seems to remind her of Darcy. The billboards along the highway advertize visiting the Netherfield community. A car entirely identical in shape, year and color to the one Darcy’s owns obnoxiously cuts her off on the highway. Trying to find something else to keep her mind on, Liz turns on the radio as if in perfect timing the announcer immediately mentions a winner by the name of “Darcy” which makes Liz quickly turn to another station. A few minutes later on a dealership label on the blue car that blocks her in and refuses to let her pass the semi in front of her reads “Darcy Dodge”. Even the license plate of the car she is following during the one lane construction clearly reads “DARCY” in large black letters across its state tag. It all seems too surreal.

At the rest stop, Liz decides to take a break and walk around for awhile. She hears a young mother yell to her small child “Darcy, get back here! You need to wash your hands!” Liz sighs and walks over to the large selection of brochures along on the wall. Randomly she picks up one from the stack that has a beautiful picture of green leafy trees sticking out from the top of its holder. It is an ad to visit a historical home. Liz opens the brochure looking for the location - only to find that it is in Netherfield! Liz folds the brochure and resolvedly places it in the pocket of her jacket.

Ten minutes later, Liz returns to her car and stares at her GPS. She sighs, “three more hours to go”. Just as she is starting her car again, a teen dressed in a high school football jersey with similar colors of her school many years ago casually walks behind her car just as she is attempting to back up. Printed in bold letters on the back of his shirt is: DARCY. Without backing up any further, Liz throws her head back and gently knocks it a few times on the headrest of her driver’s seat. She whispers loudly “Really God? Really?”

To distract herself, Liz decides to find her Ipod somewhere in the depths of her purse. She sets the song list on random hoping to listen to some of her favorite music for awhile and get lost in the music. As she turns up the volume, Liz hears the lyrics to the song that Darcy sang as a solo during the Karaoke night at Bingley’s house. “Somewhere Only We Know” begins to play through the sound system. Liz picks the Ipod up and stares at the words in the title on the screen. She hits the forward arrow to the next song before it is finished. This time the lyrics begin with “Something Stupid”. “Yeah, that’s right I’m stupid!” in disgust Liz remarks out loud in the car shaking her head.

Liz turns off her Ipod and decides perhaps being left with her own thoughts is a better option. She misses Darcy. She can’t help herself. She remembers each conversation that they had. Memories of his smile, laughter, and mannerisms quickly come to mind as if they just happened earlier in the day rather than a few months ago. As her thoughts linger, even the scent of his cologne suddenly seems familiar and lingering in the air. A couple of obstinate tears fall down her cheeks. She can remember some of his favorite phrases and also the inflection and tone of his kind voice. For once she is slightly upset that she has always had a good memory for faces and events, but unfortunately never for directions and names. It’s as if he is sitting next to her speaking again and sharing his stories of his life with her.

Stubbornly a few more tears fall as her heart aches at the memory of the sudden loss of his friendship. What did she do? Why was he so warm and opening up to her even offering to share the memories of his dad’s musicianship and then within what seemed like minutes never to speak to her again? Bingley is even more difficult to figure out. For several months Jane and Bingley were doing everything together. They really were a couple. What happened? How did it happen? It doesn’t make sense.

An emptiness which Liz is unaccustomed to fills her emotions. Liz doesn’t believe that she has ever felt like this about someone before. Darcy’s silence is deafening, muffling every other event in the rest of her life. Why can’t she forget him? He’s obviously already forgotten her.

“Oh yeah, everywhere I look something reminds me of him!” sarcastically Liz yells out loud to the roof of her car and hits the steering wheel with her fist swerving a little to the left making the car next to her honk and yell something back through his window. Liz mouths “I’m sorry!” and places both hands back on the steering wheel determined to concentrate on her driving technique.

She passes a green highway sign that reads thirty miles to Crestwood. Liz is relieved she won’t have much longer to wrestle with her mangled thoughts. She wonders if Darcy will be at the wedding. Major Debourgh is Darcy’s Aunt, but Collins and Charlotte are only recent friends even if they all became what appeared to be close friends fairly quickly. Liz wonders why Darcy didn’t reject their friendships as well. Charlotte has mentioned Darcy visiting Crestwood several times in the past few months. She has said that Darcy was very friendly and charming as usual. However, Charlotte did hear some gossip about him dating Caroline but from a few very unreliable sources. Anyone close to Darcy doesn’t appear to believe there is anything between them but not from Caroline’s intentional calculated effort.

Seeing that a message has recently been sent, Liz examines her phone. Charlotte has sent a text “When will you be here?” Liz takes the nearest exit and pulls into the empty gas station. While filling up her tank, Liz attempts to take a moment to text back that she is only about ten minutes away. Her thumb accidently presses the list of contacts. Darcy’s name appears at the top of the list. Liz rolls her eyes and turns her phone off slipping it back into the pocket of her jacket with the Netherfield brochure she found earlier in the day.

Within minutes, Liz pulls into the driveway of Charlotte’s new home. Collins is staying with the Debourgh’s home so that Charlotte has a chance to repaint the quarters. Originally Collins wanted to help her, but Charlotte thought that his attentions might be better served working at the corps and encouraged him to let her work on her own. Charlotte is an accepted candidate for the training college next year so she will only be living in the quarters for one year once she is married to Collins.

As Liz attempts to dislodge the suitcase that is wedged between the passenger seat and the backseat, Charlotte runs out to meet her. Liz has one leg raised in the air braced against the door as she pulls with both hands with all her might, but the suitcase stubbornly refuses to move – not even an inch.

“Can I help you?” smiles Charlotte grabbing the handle as well. After about four tugs, the suitcase finally breaks free. “Liz, I think it might be time to find a bigger car or to carry smaller suitcases!”

Liz grins without comment because she knows her best friend is right. Liz grabs her crumpled hanging bag from the back seat looking at it slightly perturbed.

“I have a steamer, if you would like to borrow it” suggests Charlotte trying to be helpful “Collins likes to use it every day. It’s now one of his favorite things that I brought from my home. He likes gadgets of any and all kinds. At least his clothes are ironed well now and I don’t have to do them.”

“What do you think of getting married?” curiously asks Liz knowing that her friend will give her an honest answer.

“Liz, as you know I have never been a romantic. I think two friends can be content enough in marriage. I’d much rather be married than spend the rest of my life alone. It’s not like I’ve had men breaking down the door to date me, let alone marry me. Collins and I get along well enough. He appreciates who I am and gives me my space. We enjoy doing similar things and have enough not in common with each other to keep things interesting. Perhaps we will grow to have a deep committed love for each other as the years pass just as others profess to have. If not, it really is all by chance anyway. Only half of marriages stay together even with many of whom claim to have a grand passion at the beginning. I think that both of us are good and decent people. We’ll each find our own niche and build a partnership between us. We will have a good and faithful marriage to each other” rationalizes Charlotte resolute that this is her lot in life “We can adequately provide what each other needs.”

Hearing Charlotte’s comments, Liz feels a slight pain for her friend’s viewpoint on marriage. Lost in her thoughts, Liz reflects for a moment on her own feelings.

“Perhaps your right” objectively states Liz to Charlotte not wanting to disagree with her, but inwardly completely disagreeing with her friend’s rational perspective.

Considering the idea of marriage for several years as a single adult, Liz believes that she would like to marry someone who is not only her best friend but is much more than that. Liz wants someone who she can share experiences in her life with and bring many years of happiness and joy to. She also wants a man who will also share a loving lifetime with her. In Liz’s opinion, marriage is too challenging and difficult to try to shuffle thru and manage with just a ‘buddy’. She wants to be married to a man who mutually deeply loves her too. Liz would rather remain single than settle for someone who has less capacity to love and be loved than she does.

“Major DeBourgh has invited us to dinner tonight. She mentioned that some other guests will be joining us as well. I hope you don’t mind. She’s been so helpful in her advice to both Collins and me. Just to warn you, she can be a little difficult at times, but it is only part of her personality. She really is a nice person once you get to know her even if it isn’t quite obvious at first” truthfully reassures Charlotte “She likes to have formal dinners when she has guests over for dinner, so I don’t know if you brought anything extra to dress up in. Dinner is at six so we have some time to visit with just us before leaving for the evening.”

“Sounds good to me! I think I threw in a sundress and some sandals with a small heel. I hope she doesn’t expect more than that. The only other dress I brought with me was my bridesmaid dress for the wedding. I don’t think that would be very appropriate.”

“You never know, it might be fun to dress up as if we were going to a prom. I’m not sure what Major Debourgh would think though” smiles Charlotte at the thought “We’d each have to wear a corsage and get our hair done with butterfly clips and some sparkly body glitter with strawberry pink lip gloss!”

They both giggle at the shared memory of many years ago in high school. Liz still had braces and large rimmed glasses while Jane hadn’t quite grown out of the awkward stage into womanhood yet. They had faithfully followed Shay Shurwind everywhere that year and in return he had barely noticed either of them. Charlotte had even made of a scanned copy of his junior yearbook photo which she had cut and taped in the door of her locker. At the reunion banquet last year, Shay no longer seemed to be quite the “catch” he once was to each of their delight and relief but somewhere lost between a shadow and blurry image of his former self.

“I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready to go!” instructs Charlotte very grateful that her best friend will be staying with her a couple of weeks before the wedding so they have time to reminisces as well as prepare for the big occasion.

“No lip gloss, I guess?” mockingly returns Liz “Oh well, I guess that I will have to really use my plum lipstick.”

About forty-five minutes later, Liz floats down the stairs to meet her friend. Pleasantly surprised, Charlotte looks prettier than Liz has seen her look in a very long time. Charlotte glows and seems quite happy as she looks over the guest list resting in its favorite place on the dining room table that is now a workshop for the wedding decorations.

“I’m ready!” interrupts Liz as Charlotte glances up from the table.

“I am going to be Mrs. Collins in just 14 days. It hardly seems possible!” reflects Charlotte with a contented smile.

Immersed in her own thoughts, Liz considers for a moment perhaps Charlotte is really falling in love with Collins in spite of her practical self.

“Collins will be meeting us there! Major Debourgh hates to have anyone arrive late. I know the way, so we don’t have to worry about getting lost!” Charlotte teases having been on many trips that have taken up triple the time they were intended to wandering many foreign neighborhoods to their expected location as Liz consistently remains clueless on where to go next.

Liz shrugs her shoulders at her friend’s teasing “I do my best . . . “

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