Starcups - Skit

This was written with a couple of my class mates at Trevecca.

Sometimes as Christians, we miss the point  . . .

Narrator: Gathering for their weekly meeting at the local Starcups are three faithful members of the non-denominational Christian Bible Study and Fellowship.


(all three have a cup of coffee and their wireless laptops in front of them)


Joy: Hi again everyone!


For those of you who don’t know, my name is “Joy”


which is short for “Jesus on your side” – but the S is silent.




Jim: Hi guys! My name is James . . . just James – like the disciple. (Bond style)




Bob: Hi! My name is Bob.


Joy & Jim: Hi Bob . . . (in a monotone response)


Bob: Well, it is good to see everyone here. I know that I’m extremely busy leading the choir, singing in the praise team, teaching a Sunday school class, leading a home Bible study, and participating in the Church Board as well as driving the church school bus.
Joy: Busy, Busy, Busy – buzz, buzz, buzz . . .



Jim: That looks like a good caramel macchiato.



Joy: Yes, it’s diet unfortunately. I’m fasting this week. I like doing double duty.


I lose weight at the same time while in denial.


Bob: Has anyone seen Paul this week?






Jim: Well, it’s like this . . .


A promotion was coming up between Paul and me.


I felt it was better if I let our boss know of a small incident


that happened 17 years ago so he would know that


Paul is not a reliable character.


Paul may be a little sore he didn’t get the promotion.




Bob: Oh well. Let’s get started, we’re here to talk about Acts 15: 1- 21, Romans 6:1-11, Galations 5: 1-15, and Mark 2:23-38






Jim: I have my latest copy of the Shack, Purpose Driven Life, Purpose Driven Church,


all in the car with me but I seem to have misplaced my Bible.


(to the side leaning into Joy) . . . Actually I haven’t seen it for weeks – I can’t remember where I last saw it.






Joy: What about Prayer of Jabez ?


– I heard that is a really good book too!






Jim: I have a copy of that book. As a constant reminder I keep the motto on a rock paperweight in my office.






Bob: As we get started I want you to know that there are many ways we can serve the Lord.


Take me for instance, as the music pastor I always say:


“God may have given me the talent, but I am the one who developed it”.






Jim: Isn’t that a bit self-centered? On my car I try to reach out to others.


Look at my bumper sticker on my white Cadillac Escalade that says, “Real men are Christians”,


I keep a Greek fish on the license plate cover where it will get the most notice, and I wear a tie with crosses all over it to make sure there is no mistake that I’m a Christian.


See, how do you like my new cross cufflinks?






Bob: That seems like a lot to do.






Jim: I’m only trying to be an example, so they know how to be a good person.


I write a BIG check every week so everyone can see it.


I also play golf with the pastor on Tuesdays too.






Bob: I suppose that seems like a good thing to do.


But you know I think that it’s best if everyone finds their own congregation to participate in.






Joy: What do you mean by that?






Bob: Lately, our church has been trying to reach out to the local community and be more multi-dynamic in its outreach.


The praise team has been adding so many gospel songs lately - David Crowder style.


We’re getting too much “soul” in our music.


They don’t even watch the service anymore because they’ve got their eyes closed and arms raised above their heads.






Jim: What’s wrong with that?






Bob: All eyes need to be on me! (Does the V back and forth from his eyes to everyone in the group)






As all of you know I try to be a good example too.


However, I do wish that because I am doing this job for free,


I could at least be recognized and thanked during the service.


I don’t mean the “little” thank you in the office.


It should be in front of everyone. You know what I mean?






Joy: Oh, come on now. I think it is time for a group cheer!






P – P-o – P – o –s-i-t-i-v-e


(claps hands in rhythm like a cheerleader repeats)






Bob: My . . . you’re awfully bubbly today.






Joy: I always try to think positively just like my favorite pastor - you know, on channel 777.






Jim: I think I’ve seen him on TV once or twice.






Joy: He is just so gorgeous. My friends Maggie, Jane, Martie and Lisa all agree he has the best bedroom eyes, black shiny hair, why – he’s the epitome of my tall, dark, and handsome.


He is all about positive thinking.


I remind myself everyday just like he does, “If you just think positive thoughts you’ll be wealthy, powerful, and happy”.



Bob: Hey, what’s that noise?






Joy: What . . . what I don’t hear anything (in total denial)






Jim: Can’t you hear it . . . its coming from the phone next to you.






Joy: No, no, NO! I don’t hear anything (shrugging her shoulders and shakes her head)






Bob: Yes, that’s your phone! (adamantly)






Joy: No, it’s not!






Bob: Yes, it is.






Joy: No, no it’s not! You’re mistaken!






Jim: (grabs phone) Here look, it’s the same number that my financial company uses for debt collectors.






Joy: Oh yes, well, they’re always calling me asking for a donation.






Jim: I guess it’s always nice to have little extra money. I just sold a copier to the church. It’s bigger than the church really needed but God has surely blessed me through the huge commission I received.






Bob: That reminds me we need to take food to Nancy this week, the one who filed for bankruptcy. You know - the one whose brother just went to jail for having a meth lab. I think she really needs a friend right now.


Joy, could she sit with you during the church service next week?




Joy: Oh . . .umm . . no. I think Melanie would fit with her “personality” better than me. (uses finger “ ”)


You know -- a divorcee with four kids and that pregnant teen (rolling eyes).






Jim: You might be right, she drives an old ’83 Gremlin, it doesn’t look very nice next my Escalade. Perhaps we should refer her to the Bonnet Army down the street. She might be more comfortable there for worship services. We have a great team of greeters who help people find the place they need to be.






Joy: Bob, did you hear that Promise Holder’s bowling has been cancelled for next week?






Bob: Oh no! I’ve just got to find another meeting to go to!


I want to make sure to meet my quota for this next week.


Every year I’ve received a 100% attendance certificate.






Joy: They have a prayer meeting on Wednesday nights –


if you’re into that sort-of-thing (rather disgusted).






Jim: Or, you could always help with the soup kitchen . . .






Bob: I’d rather go feed the homeless.


That “prayer thing” I’m really not into.






Joy: Oh look at the time!! I’m going to be late for “Fashion for Jesus” with the women’s league!


We’re going to the Galleria. I can hardly wait!!


My Gucci purse will look so great with a new outfit!






Jim: I think that I’m going to head over to Hooters for lunch. It has a nice family atmosphere. I try to get there at least once a week, I’m addicted to their “wings”. Do you want to go with me Bob?






Bob: Maybe I should help out in the soup kitchen.






Jim: Nah, come on with me. You can be my accountability partner. You won’t want to miss this!






Bob: Oh wait a minute. Paul just sent an email message to me in Facebook.






(reads aloud)


“Hi Bob! I’m sorry I can’t be with you today. I’m doing some prison ministry with some friends of mine. But I wanted to share some scripture with you that has been on my mind lately as a word of encouragement.”






- He’s left a verse for me from Galations 5:6






“For if we are in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith activated and energized and expressed and working through love.” (amplified)






Joy: Hey! He wrote me too! Everyone knows, I’m one of his good friends.






Bob: Yes, Joy we all know that.






Joy: My passage for today is from Acts 15:7






“And God who can’t be fooled by any pretense on our part but always knows a person’s thoughts, He gave them the Holy Spirit exactly as He gave Him to us. He treated the outsiders exactly as he treated us, beginning at the very center of who they were and working from that center outward, cleaning up their lives as they trusted and believed him” (the message)










Jim: What do you know? He wrote me too.






To Jim – here are a few verses from Romans 6:1,2,4, and11 that I want to share with you.


1What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?
2By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with,[that we should no longer be slaves to sin—
11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus” (NIV)