Blood and Fire - Chapter Thirty One

Feeling anxious as the doorbell rings, Liz glances over to Char for a last moment of support.  Char reassures her best friend with a comforting smile. 

“Hello, Darcy.  It’s good to see you.  Would you like to come in for a minute?  Liz, will be ready in just a second” greets Char motioning for him to enter the front room.

“Thank you Char.  How are you and Collins?  I hope things are going well for the both of you” graciously replies Darcy attempting to make conversation in spite of his rather fretting nerves.

“We’re doing well and finding each day has its own little miracles” hearing steps coming from behind Char pleasantly announces “Here she is!”

“Liz, you look very nice tonight.  How was your day?” sweetly asks Darcy nervously checking to see if everything is in place where it should be on his own clothing.

“I had a great day with Char, thanks for asking” softly replies Liz “The Classic Movie Network has been running old romantic movies from the 40s all day.  We’ve been watching “Casablanca”, “For Whom the Bell Tolls”, “Rebecca”, and the “Shop Around the Corner.  I know it’s not everyone’s cup-of-tea but I enjoy the black and white movies with Selznick, Hitchcock, and Sam Wood as directors.”

“I didn’t know you liked the old movies.  There always seems to be something new to find out about you, Liz” smiles Darcy committing another piece of information into the files of his memory to recall at a later date “Are you ready?  I made reservations at a place that you might like.”

“Really where?” excitedly asks Liz looking at Darcy directly in the eyes with a smile and completely forgetting about her earlier unease.

“It’s my surprise for you” teasingly states Darcy helping Liz on with her coat “But I think that you will like it.”

While walking towards the car, Darcy offers his hand to help her down the concrete stairs from the porch and tightly keeps holding her hand until they reach the car.  He gentlemanly opens the car door and waits for her to get in before closing the door behind her.

Although thrilled that he held her hand, she quietly reassures herself that she needs to keep control of her emotions because she wants to confront him with some recent information that has been revealed to her.  But for the moment she holds her other hand in her lap, feeling the warmth of its previous captor and feeling quite content.

“If you want to after dinner, we can go to the movies.  There is a new one coming out this weekend that my sister highly recommended that we go see.” Waiting to see if Liz seems keen to the idea Darcy continues “I think it’s called “Shadows of the Heart”. She said it was a chick-flick but that I would probably end up liking it too.”

“It sounds good to me.  I’ve seen the previews on TV and it looks really interesting to me” inspired agrees Liz smoothing out her skirt in the seat next to him and twisting to move her knees more towards his direction to see him better.

As Darcy parks the car and steps out, Liz takes that moment to check her lipstick and her hair in the small mirror in the visor above her as she has seen her younger sisters do many times before but which she is out of the habit of doing.

As Darcy walks next to her in the restaurant, Liz looks up and genuinely exclaims “Juan Jose’s Cantina!  One of my favorite places!  I think their tortilla chips are the best and the salsa has just the right amount of cilantro with a touch of jalapenos. Thank you so much for choosing such a great place!”

Holding the door opened for Liz, Darcy is please that he listened to Char’s advice about what place to choose for the evening thinking to himself “It seems like this is working out to be a wonderful night.”

The hostess checks their name with her leather bound reservation book and takes them to a quiet table for two that is near the platform where a live band is performing that night for the guests to celebrate Valentine’s Day with many romantic Latin favorites ranging from Gypsy Kings, Jesse Cook, Johannes Linstead, and other pop favorites such as Enrique Inglesias, Ricky Martin, and Marc Anthony.

Glancing over the menu, Liz chooses the “Hacienda Especial” and takes a sip of her sweet tea while Darcy takes a little longer to reflect over the many choices available.  Finally he chooses as the young waitress dressed in a white shirt and black  pants stands beside the table scanning the room over his head checking on her other two tabletops nearby waiting for him to make his final selection.

The multitasking waitress patiently takes the order and then scurries back to the hidden kitchen area while along the way picking up a couple of glasses from another table that need refilled. 

 “What are your plans for once you return to Longbourne?” asks Darcy curious to know what challenges are facing her once she returns home.

“Well, obviously I’m going back to my job which I really enjoy” explains Liz “I’ll go back to volunteering at the corps and doing what I can here and there to help out as needed”.

“What are your plans for the future?” curiously asks Darcy “What goals do you have?”

“Eventually I’d like to go back to school to work on my doctorate after I can pay off some of my school loans so I can have a more reasonable payment” replies Liz firming holding to her budget.

“You could defer your loans until you finish your degree” suggests Darcy trying to be helpful.

“Yes, I could to that but it means that afterwards I’d have an even larger payment that I probably still could not afford and manage to live somewhat comfortably” explains Liz feeling a little recently defeated by her school loan payments.

“Is there any other way you could refinance your loans and make them more affordable for you?” asks Darcy knowing well the intrinsic management of finance but not familiar with the current interest rates on educational loans.

“No, not really, I have it already at the lowest interest rate as possible to accommodate the amount of salary I’ve made this year” thoughtfully explains Liz, twisting her spool into her charro beans wishing that he would change the subject since this one always depresses her.  “What would you like to see happen in your future?”

“As you know I took over the business after my father was promoted to glory a few years ago.  It seems to progressing as I expected it to.  I’d like to work on our products becoming more economically relatable and practical for our customers rather than letting our services becoming extinct” thoughtfully explains Darcy “there are many promotional vender companies out there that provide the same products, with similar services, but I hope to improve it so that our health and comfort product company is the first one that they think of when they need it.”

“I know the corps and I’m sure most of the division orders from your company all the time for community care products especially during Christmas and Easter” Remarks Liz remembering organizing and packing items for many visits to senior care facilities, hospitals, and the prison too over the years.

While listening to the music, Liz munches on some leftover warm chips and occasionally sings along with a line or two of the songs of which she is more familiar without fully being conscious of what she is doing but only enjoying the moment.  Darcy looks at her and smiles while waiting for the moment in which she notices that she is being observed.

On seeing that Darcy is enjoying her own melody, Liz’s eyes widen and she blushes looking down at her plate and stirs her Spanish rice for a moment.

After a little while of conversation Liz excuses herself to go to the ladies room.  She peers into her purse for her brush and finds her lipstick.  She puts a fresh coat on and seems pleased with the result.  She finds the ruby red envelope in her purse that she thought of giving Darcy sometime that evening.  Holding the card for a moment, she sprays into the air a little of her favorite perfume and waves the card through her favorite scent so that the memory of her gift will linger much longer than just for the moment it was given.

When she returns, Darcy is taking his cloth napkin to clean a dash of salsa that had fallen aimlessly on the very center of his silk tie. He looks up sheepishly smiling upon her return.  Liz sits down feeling refreshed and ready for the right moment to present her card.

As they wait for the flan and fried ice cream to arrive for dessert, they chat feeling very comfortable with each to other. 

“Liz, I wanted to wish you a “Happy Valentine’s Day” and I have something special planned for you” announces Darcy while setting his red cloth napkin to the side.  He signals the band.

The band leader nods his head and begins the refrains to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” with a mild twinge of a gentle Latin beat to its original rhythm. 

“I had the mariachi band play my favorite song that reminds me of you every time it comes on the radio.  I haven’t told you but I consider it to be my theme song for you” explains Darcy excited to share his confession.

As the lyrics begin Liz looks puzzled and feels a bit confused  as she hears in a artistically designed version with a Latin beat “… I want your ugly, I want your disease …I want your drama …”.  Incredulously Liz asks “Is this what makes you think of me?”

“Yes.  Every time” answers Darcy and feeling slightly nervous adds wanting to emphasize his point “it totally reminds me of you”.

The lyrics mischievously continue and mystically hover over their conversation “ …. I want your horror, I want your design, ‘cause you’re a criminal …”.

“Really?  This is the what comes to mind when you think of me?” ardently asks Liz feeling her temper rising within her but trying to keep calm.

“Yes, of course it is.  It reminds me of us and our relationship” uncharacteristically gushes Darcy finally admitting publically and to himself that they have one “I think the lyrics are great, don’t you?”

As the words are coming out of his mouth in simultaneous duet in the background Liz hears “… you and me could write a bad romance …”

“What are you trying to say to me?” on the verge of tears asks Liz

“I think it’s pretty clear” clueless responds Darcy, not sure the cause of this confusing reaction which is appearing to be coming from Liz “I think it states how I feel about you.  Don’t you see it?”

“I don’t ‘see’ anything, but I can certainly ‘hear’ it” snaps Liz looking for her purse “If you felt that way, why did you bring me here?”

“I wanted to explain my feelings while we were alone and not in front of anyone” angrily responds Darcy not sure why his voice is raising and not entirely sure why he feels upset at the moment.

“If you felt that way about me, you could have just told me.  You didn’t’ have to have a band play a song to impound the message permanently in my memory!” shouts Liz as an unwanted tear leaves it’s cage.

“Well, if I knew you were going to react this way while I’m trying to tell you how I feel in an original way, I wouldn’t have bothered!” refutes Darcy believing that her feelings are not mutual and that he has embarrassed himself by finally making an effort to let her know what he has been holding back for months.

“I’m sorry that I’ve wasted your time.  I thought that we were having a great time together and it was comfortable between both of us.  I can’t believe that you didn’t let me know earlier!” articulately expresses Liz ready to leave the restaurant and forget the whole fiasco. 

The waitress notices that things are not going well at her tabletop and has quietly slipped the bill near Darcy.  In return Darcy glares at Liz for a moment and inserts his credit card into the pocket holder.  “I forgot that I have some things that I need to work on this evening that just arrived from the office today.  I won’t be able to go to a movie tonight”.  Darcy realizes that he is telling Liz the truth but he had decided earlier to delay the work for the opportunity of a longer evening with her.

As they get into the car, Liz tries to hide the occasional tear that is falling.  Darcy stares at the road ahead and turns on the radio to provide some welcoming distraction. The songs begins with a familiar voice “… I want your psycho … want you in my rear window … baby your sick” 

Liz rolls her eyes and huffs towards the window” in response Darcy vehemently shuts off the radio and steps down on the gas pedal.

Finally when Darcy can’t stand the silence any long “Liz, I don’t know what the problem is.  I thought things were going really well between us. You’re one of the few people who seem to understand me without me having to explain myself but I’m not so sure about that tonight“

“I thought so too” states Liz as she sniffs trying to hold back tears still reeling from the lyrics of the song.

“Besides discussing this, I want to know did you tell Bingley not to like my sister?” asks Liz wanting further resolution to end a relationship that appears never to have begun in the first place other than in her delusional mind.

“Yes, I did” feeling no compulsion any longer to protect her from anything in that her rejection tonight has been extremely painful to him Darcy continues feeling justified by his actions “I felt it was the right thing to do.  Your sister didn’t appear to care nearly as deeply as Bingley and your sisters motives for wanting a relationship with him were clearly told by your mother to anyone who would listen.”

“My mother?  What does my mother have to do with anything?  What did she say?” angrily asks Liz afraid of what his future disclosure will be.

“She told me that your sister was pursuing Bingley because of his money.  Also, she has had a lot of boyfriends and Bingley was only one on a string of many” spouts Darcy with unusual venom “She doesn’t deserve Bingley.  He’s one of the most sincere and honest people I know.  He guilelessly tends to easily be fooled by people that will use him to get what they want from him”.

“My sister is not a gold digger.  I’ve never seen her so taken by anyone.  Yes, there have been a lot of guys that have been interested in her.  She happens to be beautiful” acknowledges Liz feeling not as pretty at this moment, but adamantly continues “But that doesn’t mean she chased them or dated them either.  Jane’s been very selective in who she has allowed to get close to her”.

“I don’t understand why you are so hard on her.  What has she done to you?” remarks Liz not understanding why he is being so difficult and harsh tonight and then adds for effect “Maybe this is how you like to treat people who get close to you. You push them away.”

“I don’t push anyone away that deeply care about and who means something to me.  But what about  you?  You made me believe that you liked me, not only liked me but were beginning to love me” rashly explains Darcy feeling out of breath from uncharacteristically having to defend his actions “ Then I finally do something about it and you – not me – are the one to first push away.”

“What are you talking about?  That song tonight emphasized how ugly you thought I was, that I create too much “drama” around me, that I’m even “psycho” --- what kind of song is that?” firms asks Liz and then not realizing her words but only as she says them “Who says that to someone they like let alone that they are trying to say they are falling in love with?”

Liz blankly stares at him for a moment as the words sink in that he has mentioned ‘love’ and that she has agreed that he is ‘falling in love’ with her.  Liz muses to herself “something is not quite right”.

Darcy places a hand on her shoulder, “I didn’t mean the song to represent everything that I don’t like about you. There are so many things that I do admire about you.  You are a lovely woman, Liz.  I enjoy being around you and every single unusual quirk that you have.”

“What are you trying to say?” asks Liz more puzzled than ever resting the back of her head against the car door window.

“Liz you have so many exceptional qualities.  I want to spend time getting to know you better by being a part of your life.  I like you.  I like being around you.  I think you are one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met” ardently explains Darcy hoping that his confession will garner a new response but then without thinking jokingly adds “If that means I have to accept your family and their faults which at times I find offensive then that’s what I’ll do to be around you.”

Liz does not find the joke within the humor.  “What do you mean “faults that you find offensive”?” asks Liz not entirely relieved from the moment of their previous argument.

“You know.  I don’t need to tell you” replies Darcy realizing that he has just entered a black hole which he is not sure that he can be rescued from.

“No, maybe you should enlighten me to make sure we are on the same page” challenges Liz wanting some clarification before she proceeds any further with this relationship.

Darcy not sensing the warning that could be crucial to his future proceeds with his evaluation, “We’ve already discussed your mother whom you know is a busy buddy.  She seems to be in the center of everyone’s business.  Even you must recognize this.  Jane although sweet is a tease.  Maybe she has actually ‘dated’ anyone but it appears from her reputation that she has a habit of leading them on evidently hoping for a better catch to arrive one day to settle her claws in. “ Darcy without taking a breath wanting to be fair and honest in his critique of her family feeling that he might not ever have the chance again “your younger sisters are fun but they have absolutely no common sense.  You just told me about their tanning fiasco the other day.  Mary needs to find some social skills.  She has a habit of wanting to be the center of attention in a less than appropriate way.”

As she stands comatose in front of him, Liz can feel her body shake as her disgusts at Darcy’s words infiltrate her mind.

“Do you not realize this is my family?  These are people that I love?  How can you say that about them?  You don’t know them.  You’ve only met them a handful of times!” shouts Liz silently on one level realizing that he is telling the truth but definitely not wanting to admit it “Maybe it’s because your family is no longer around you that you don’t care.  You just resent the family that I have.  Where is your  only sister? She’s never around you.  What have you done to her that she doesn’t like you? What about your best friend Wickham?  Why doesn’t he talk to you anymore?  What have you done to make him not like you?  See, I was right you always push people away that care about you!”

“You don’t understand.  You’re right that I’ve had to let go of some people in my life.  But that’s not how I feel about you, Liz.  You’ve brought so much happiness into my life lately.  I feel like I can breathe again” sincerely pleads Darcy but on seeing the squinted eyes and pursed lips  before him realizes that something has gone amiss in the last few minutes “ I didn’t realize you hated me so much.”

Liz shakes her head “I don’t hate you.  But I don’t understand you either.  You’re such a snob.  You don’t care about other people because you’re too busy just thinking about yourself and how you are getting ahead of everyone else. “

“That’s not entirely true.  I do think that I have some advantages that other people don’t have.  I’ve had a few more opportunities which have developed and honed my skills which give me an advantage in life.  Is it so wrong to acknowledge that people have their faults?”

“I don’t see them as faults, more like idiosyncrasies that make each of them individuals with their own flair for life even if at times it can be rather stressful for others” argues Liz realizing in that second that some of that ‘flair’ from her mother has caused some inflicted emotional pain to her in the past “You shouldn’t expect everyone to be like you, as if you’re the standard under which everyone else should be measured!”

“Well, I didn’t realize this is the way you felt about me.  I’ve been putting a lot of my expectations into something that is evidently not mutual or desired” answers Darcy feeling the tears forming in his eyes but refusing to let them fall. “In spite of how you feel about me Liz, you have changed my world. But as far as Wickham, don’t misjudge me.  There is more to the story than just one side.  He has fed you what you want to hear, but not the entire truth within its real context”.

Liz finds her purse on the floor of the car and opens the door “Don’t worry about seeing me to the door, I know my way.  I’m flying out tomorrow afternoon, so I guess this is goodbye.  I wish you the best wherever you end up finding it” states Liz feeling a range of emotions but not sure which one to grasp and cling to.”

“Goodbye Liz.  I hope one day we’ll meet again when the dust has settled between us” states Darcy as Liz slams the car door. 

On reaching the door, Liz hears the squeal of tire wheels behind her.  She suddenly feels tremendously sad but not entirely sure why.