Blood and Fire - Chapter Thirty Two

Hearing the vexatious alarm repeat its obnoxious rhythm, Liz in her sleepless delirium rolls over and attempts to find the button to turn off the disturbing noise.  It has been a long restless and unfulfilling night.  Weakly Liz shakes her head trying to discover a way to make her eyes focus more clearly at the foggy haze of light in front of her.

She looks at the suitcase next to the guest bed that is almost packed to return home.  “What a month this has been.  So many feelings and experiences, I’m not sure what I think of anything anymore” softly whispers Liz to herself that only Char’s cat, Nuzzles, can hear.  She pets Nuzzles for a few minutes while he purrs before moving to get ready for the day, feeling weary and helpless to decipher last night’s maniacal events.

After a shower and fixing her hair, Liz decides to check the flight status and her email to see if there is any last minute things that she needs to handle before leaving town.

Anxiously her breathing stops as her heart quickly drops to her stomach while a feeling of emptiness and trepidation fills the room.  At the top of the ‘inbox’, Darcy’s name is listed.  Liz pauses for a moment and stares at his name.  Unable to decide if she should hit the delete button or read it, Liz stares at the screen and says a silent prayer.

“Whatever it is, I’ll just have to deal with it” firmly decides Liz wanting to do the most mature thing, but still feeling that she would rather forget that it exists. Looking at Nuzzles for confirmation of her decision, “If he is reminding me again that he doesn’t want to be with me, so be it.  Life will go on.  I don’t need him in my life to be who I was meant to be.   If he is apologizing, even though he said unkind things about my family, maybe I can figure out a way to forgive him” nods Liz in Nuzzles direction who in response turns and purrs while turning over on his back ready to have his stomach rubbed.  His black tipped paws reach up to play with her hand occasionally licking it with his raw rough tongue.

Reluctantly but with purpose, she clicks the enter button.   The first thing that she notices is the email is very long.  Defensively to Nuzzles Liz cries “What could he possibly say to me that would take that much effort?  Do I really need to hear ‘how’ much he doesn’t like me again?”

Surrendering, Liz relinquishes a deep sigh and throws her head back rolling her eyes towards the ceiling.  “I’ll guess that I should read it…” then more sorrowfully whispers “it will just help me to move on.”

The letter begins:

 

Dear Liz,

Hello.  Before I begin, I want to reassure you that I will not be discussing last night’s discussion again.  I understand how you feel about me now and it appears the best solution is that we depart as casual friends who see each other occasionally at official events that put us together in the same place.  Hopefully we can greet each other as friends if the occasion arises and that these past memories will find their way into oblivion.

But I felt the necessity to clarify some information regarding my sister, Georgianna, or as many of her dearest friends call her “Ginny”.   As you know from being a journalist, there are several sides to any story.  Perspectives can sometimes go askew depending on motives and other incentives to perceive something in one way rather than another.

Gossip is a terrible thing.  In my experience, it tends to come from people who have a malicious desire to know something that no one else knows.  But their motives tend to cling to a secret hidden desire to experience what is happening to the person they are ruining the life of.   There is always some grain of truth in gossip, but what is painted and manipulated in its shared context becomes something vicious and harmful in its content without any moral strength or value.  It’s the manipulation of a childish and immature mind with a malevolent intent to affect and burden the lives of others.  Once gossip begins its merciless venom, chaos and loss appear to be its only gift and treasure.

I would ask that you keep the following information about my sister completely confidential and not to share it with even your closest friends including your sister, Jane, and best friend, Char.

My sweet sister, Ginny, was a victim of many menacing mouths who were quick to act in the role of judge and juror even though their own lives are scattered with murk and grey dust from their own delusions of moral superiority and less than virtuous character.

Dismally, Dan Wickham, has foolishly misguided you with his stories of abandonment and corruption in the case of my family.  It is true, he was raised as my brother and my father loved him just as a son.  He was my best friend.  We were only one year apart in age and would spend much of our time together growing up because his father was the General Manager of my dad’s company. 

After Mr. Wickham died of a heart attack while Wickham was in high school, my dad took Wickham in and he lived with us for his last two years of school.  Ginny was little and only 8 then.  Wickham was kind to her and treated like a little sister.   My father even bought him a new convertible Mustang for graduation.

For awhile in college, he enjoyed his time with girls and partying.  One day he was in a very bad car accident and being drunk slammed into a tree.  He wasn’t scratched up too much but his sports car was totaled. It was after that event that he decided to get his life together which pleased everyone.  His father had set up a trust fund for him as well as insurance to take care of his future.  My father set aside an income as well when he realized that Wickham had decided to become an SA officer.  Knowing that the officer “allowance” is very minimal even less than minimum wage in cash even though other benefits are provided, money was set aside for him.  My father hoped to give him the possibility of living more comfortably while in Christian service as a pastor.

Well, eventually Wickham was sent to training.  He only lasted at the training college for three months because of the rules and standards of which they require the cadets to live to be ready to face the many challenges ahead of them.  Responsibility, character, and their spiritual lives are priorities and unfortunately, he severely lacked in all three areas.  He was deferred to develop more outside the school with the possibility and promise of returning at a later date.

In consequence, he signed up for the military.  In the meantime, I lost my father.  On hearing the news, Wickham immediately demanded to be given the rest of the trust fund from my father, his father, as well as the insurance money.  Considering his age of 22, this was all given to him.

The military didn’t exactly prove to be a time of maturity for him as everyone hoped that it would be.   He finished his term and an opportunity came to  work at Camp Long Branch as the program director at the age of 26.  It happened that Ginny found out he was going to be there and applied as well.  As a brother, I considered this a good thing in that I believed that Wickham would keep an eye out for her so that she didn’t get caught up into any trouble with anyone else.  I didn’t know that the problem would be closer to home.

Ginny had not seen much of Wickham for the previous 8 years other than at holidays because of his attending college and then being stationed overseas for awhile with the military.  So, although he was like family, she had not developed a relationship with him as I had as a brother.

During the summer Ginny was a dining room girl. Her birthday falls late and although she was turning 18 in late August, she still had her senior year of high school to yet complete.  They spent a lot of time together catching up.  According to Wickham, he felt very close and very protective of Ginny because she was like only a handful of his family that was left.

Well as things would go, Ginny became very attached to Wickham and evidently he did as well.  I was not happy when they announced the news to me.  She was still in high school and he was 26, what else was I to think?  I told them that they could not be together.  They could not write, call, text, or anything.  She was still a kid not really even having her first boyfriend yet and he was a man already with a history behind him.  Ginny had a wonderful future ahead of her and I couldn’t see letting Wickham destroy that.

Being willful, although very intelligent, Ginny decided to ‘take off’ with Wickham and let him take care of her until we would hopefully change our minds about them.   Wickham had already spent his entire inheritance, maxed out on his credit cards, and had yet to find a way to really support himself after finishing his time with the military.  They had nothing to live on. 

We looked everywhere for them.  Eventually they showed up at his aunt’s home. Lydia Russell in her typical well-known pattern of taking over the lives of other people was determined that they should be married.  But I was able to talk with Ginny at length and convince her to come home.  Evidently Wickham was still getting email, texts, and taking calls from old girlfriends which greatly upset Ginny and allowed her to acknowledge that Wickham was not yet ready to settle down.

She was able to catch up with her school work by having a tutor and graduated on schedule.  She has recently finished her degree and seems to be quite content and is finally dating someone else.

As far as Wickham goes, he enlisted again into the military and I did not hear from him until seeing him again at Longbourne.   Although this information came through the grapevine, it was from reliable sources that he had married a woman by the name of Ariel Shepherd whose father was a lawyer to his Aunt, Lydia Russell.  I’m sure she arranged for the marriage to happen to provide some sort of financial advantage for her.  From what I understand, Ariel too was only 18 when he married her. However, he appeared to be completely on his own while in Longbourne.  So I can only assume that relationship no longer exists.

As far as responding to my reaction to Jane and Bingley, I want to explain myself further.  While I was in Longbourne numerous times I overheard your mother saying that Jane had many boyfriends and that several times she had come close to engagements but chose not to marry them because they were not ‘good enough’.  Your mother had a tendency to brag about how much money Jane would inherit by marrying Bingley and that finally she had met someone that was ‘good enough’ for her.

Bingley is a ‘good’ man and just by his character would be ‘good enough’ for anyone even if he did not have a penny to his name.  Collins had mentioned that your sister had been infatuated with him too which I highly doubted, but several young men in the youth band also carried this same story.

On hindsight and after having the night to reflect, I think that I judged Jane too harshly.  I was depending on what other people had said about her and not from what I knew and experienced her character to be.  I never saw Jane flirt with anyone.  She didn’t tease with her words, body language, clothing, or anything else to imply that she was not only modest but of the best sort.  Your mother however directly told me that Jane was after Bingley’s money at the last divisional youth band rehearsal and that was enough ‘proof’ for me impulsively at that time which I based my decision on to encourage Bingley to leave and to let go of Jane. 

Just so you know, I will no longer hinder Bingley from developing a deeper relationship with Jane should they eventually decide that they would like to be together again.  I wish only the best for them.

In closing, I would let you know as well that I will not pursue you or create an atmosphere that will make you uncomfortable around me.  I will not contact you or try to be in your life unless random events place us in the same room.  I understand your feelings now and for my own reasons I feel this is for the best. 

Take Care,

Darcy

“Liz! We’re all out in the car waiting for you!  If we leave for the airport now, I think we’ll be on time” shouts Char from the front door wondering what is taking her friend so long this morning.

“I’ll be down in a minute” closing her laptop, Liz calls back,  wiping a few tears of regret from her eyes “I’m just finishing putting a few liquid items in my luggage so I can make sure that I can make it though the baggage claim”.