Blood and Fire - Chapter Twenty-Seven

Lydia glances down at her purchases quite pleased with expert shopping skills and enthusiastically remarks, “Kitty, I can’t believe I found such a good deal at the dollar store!  Dad said that he wouldn’t pay for a Bright Sun Light Tan, but this is even better and we can do it ourselves!”

“Beth Elliot will be so impressed when we walk in to school tomorrow all bronzed and beautiful!  We also didn’t have to pay $80 a piece to have it professionally done. Anyway, I already spent my money this month working at the daycare downloading Itunes and having Tinkerbell decals on my fingernails”, observes Kitty admiring her Disney themed manicure.

“I want to go first, but Kitty I’ll need your help.  I can hardly wait until Wickham notices how smooth and glowing my skin is, don’t you?” muses Lydia as she admires her reflection in the length mirror attached to her closet door for regular and routine observation.

“Do you think Wickham likes you?” quizzically asks Kitty, “I always thought he was interested in Liz. He seems to talk more when she happens to be around.”

“Well, she’s not here.  All’s fair in love and war.  She can’t expect me to hold back while she does her own thing any place else.  Wickham is so lonely too” acknowledges Lydia slowly brushing the tangles out of her hair and then firmly justifies “He needs me to keep him company.  If he forgets about Liz, it certainly isn’t my fault!”

“I’m glad we have never liked the same guy.  I wouldn’t want to have you as my competition.  You’re ruthless.  My guys tend to be more sensitive and thoughtful.  You seem to like guys that are constantly focused only on themselves” accurately replies Kitty as she casually begins to read the directions on the orange spray can with the yellow lid.

“That’s not true.  The guys I like are charming and so what if they tend to focus on their looks, they are always the best dressed in the room even if everybody knows it because they tell them” slyly reflects Lydia with a smirk sitting on her pink and cherry bedspread wiggling her toes in front of her.

“Ok.  I think that I’ve read enough.  I don’t like reading directions it takes too much time, but I think that I understand what we are suppose to do.  Are you ready?” asks Kitty confident that this new treatment with propel them into popularity among Beth Elliot’s click. 

“I’ll stand in the shower so if the spray ends up on the floor at least we can clean it up” practically instructs Lydia flipping her hair while heading down the hallway for their beautification destination.

Kitty gently pops the lid off the spray can that was so economically purchased at the dollar store.  “Stand still and don’t move.  I’m going to start with your legs” detailing her maneuvers as she begins to spray in large strokes across Lydia’s limbs.

“You’re getting spray all over me.  Go get mom’s night mask.  At least it will cover my eyes so all that icky stuff doesn’t get in them!” shouts Lydia gagging on the fumes of the container.

Kitty quickly returns with an icepack sleep mask that their mother uses for one of her rather regulated migraines spurned on when something refuses to go as she meticulously planned.  Lydia wraps the band around her head and poses for further treatment.

“Kitty, go ahead.  I’m ready now!” instructs Lydia still relishing in the glory of her ideal purchase.

Kitty raises her eyebrows at the portrait which she is attempting to paint, something isn’t quite right.  “Do you remember reading anything about how long it takes to soak into your skin?”

“No I don’t.  But go ahead and lay it on thick.  If there is not enough for you, we can always go back and get more tomorrow!” suggests Lydia privately pleased that she will be the first of the girls to show off her new tan at school tomorrow and to Wickham.

“Ok, but just remember you told me to spray more …” hesitantly agrees Kitty cautiously wondering if this is the wisest choice she could make.

“You’ve done enough of my legs” blindly demands Lydia “Just spray all over me.  I need my arms and face done as well!  I need to look tan all over not just for my sandals.”

“If you say so … but I think that I’m going to wait to see how it dries on you before I try it” offers Kitty doubtfully summing up her own work.

“Just spray it Kitty!  What is taking you so long?” insists Lydia a little annoyed that her sister is not quite the body artist that she had hoped.

After covering Lydia entirely from head to foot, Kitty fearfully mentions “Lydia, I’m not sure this looks like it is meant to.  Maybe you should have Mary try it”.

Just then Mary hears her name while walking past holding a book in one hand while eating a banana in the other.  Her glasses have slipped to the tip of her nose because she has reached an important part of her book that to stop for an instant would wreck the momentum of the climax.

“Ughh.  What do you want?  Who called my name?” annoying flustered inquires Mary sulking that again she must start from the top of the page to experience the rush of the event of her adventurous novel. Where the hero has finally met his match.

Mary looks up for her book just upon reaching the edge of the bathroom door and screeches “Kitty what have you done?! Oh nooo! Lydia, did you tell her to do that?”

Lydia quickly takes off her masks and tries to clear the tub but misses falling clumsily over the edge.  Her hands brush against the cream colored carpet and leave bright orange smudges with clash against the smooth texture of the rug.

“What?” as Lydia inspects her hands while trying to recover her balance while attempting to stand up.  “What kind of color is this?  It looks like it is orange like the fruit!”  Roughly she pushes Kitty and Mary out of the way who are intentionally blocking her personal view of the rather large mirror in the bathroom.

“UGGGGGGG!!!!” screams Lydia at the top of her lungs “How could you?  What am I going to do?”  The mask has creatively left nice large trimmed rings around her eyes in an hourglass shape.  The pungent orange hue clings all over her body in random uncoordinated stripes. “Kitty, I’m going to kill you!”

“REMEMBER you said to keep on spraying” defends Kitty not sure that being a little more specific might have been slightly wiser while backing up towards the hallway for a quick getaway should Lydia choose to attack.

“Girls, girls, girls, what is all the fuss about?” asks Mr. Bennett while slowly climbing the stairs ready to intercede and deflect any animosity that is currently springing forth into the household. “What has entered our peaceful kingdom and disturbed our princesses from their thrones?”

“Whoa … ummmm ….” Taken aback Mr. Bennett shakes his head but then attempts to offer some words of comfort, “Lydia that is a beautiful shade of peach or tangerine, I’m not quite sure which is the more trendy synonym at the moment.  Perhaps pumpkin or carrot might be more appropriate descriptions.”

“Dad, do you see what Kitty did to me?  She’s just jealous because Wickham likes me and she doesn’t have anyone giving her any attention!?” accuses Lydia trying to find some motive for her awkward position of willingly choosing to look like an apricot.

Mr. Bennett chuckles, “Well, I’m sure that Kitty will have her ten minutes of fame one day and a lucky boy with admire her for those wonderful qualities she possesses while I chase him off from under her enchanting spell, but for now I do not believe that Kitty meant to harm your amour and admiration of some lost soul”.

Lydia rolls her eyes, “Dad, what am I going to do?” pleadingly asks Lydia sure of her reputation’s demise under the curse of the orange spray tan.

“Let me ask your mother.  She’s much better under these circumstances than me.  She’s at the grocery store but I’m waiting for her short return.  She just went for milk and butter which generally costs me in the neighborhood of a hundred dollars including the ever providential weekly “Faces” magazine” jests Mr. Bennett with more accuracy than actual wit.

“Where is everybody?” echoes a matronly voice down the hall of chaos and disturbance.  “I need some help unloading the groceries.  There are too many and I can’t unload them by myself.  By the way, I picked up this week’s magazine, Caroline Bingley is in one of the articles for her work with GNN” Mrs. Bennett shrewdly adds in the tone of a much younger fashionista  “It’s a very nice photo of her and I really like her suit but I would definitely not choose those shoes.  They don’t match the suit and pop just a little too much.  Why is everybody so quiet?”

Mr. Bennett on hearing the voice of a savior when calamity strikes among the girls, meets her on the staircase  “Houston, we’ve had a problem. As Data might say, ‘Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns’” immediately realizing that Mrs. Bennett is confused by what he is saying translates “We need your help for some extraordinary revelation”.

“What are you talking about? You’re always talking such nonsense. Where are the girls?” shoving Mr. Bennett out of the way “What’s happened?”

“Oh dear!  Oh my!  My poor Lydia!  What happened to you?” whales Mrs. Bennett rushing to her daughter with open loving and merciful arms but just before reaching her realizing that the orange paint might not fade from her skin either takes a step back as Lydia lunges forward.  Mrs. Bennett catches her anyway.  Mrs. Bennett knowingly glares at Kitty and Mary, “Did one or both of you play a practical joke on your sister again?”

“It wasn’t my fault!  Lydia found the spray can and it said it was for tans!  It was only a dollar.  We couldn’t afford to get a real tan because dad said it was too much money.  Now look what’s happened?  You should have let us get real tans!” mercilessly whines Kitty afraid of any repercussions and a possible grounding.

Mary vehemently shakes her head and denies “I didn’t have anything to do with it.  I was reading my book.  It was all Kitty and Lydia’s doing.  I just found them!”

“Kitty, I should have guessed!  Are you still mad at her for giving you those 2-inch fake glitter eyelashes that had stronger glue than they were suppose to? It is such a long time ago. How were any of us suppose to know it would take a week for them to peel off?” incredulously remarks Mrs. Bennett having encouraged Lydia in purchasing them for Kitty’s Halloween costume.

“Mom, Lydia is the one who found the spray can at the dollar store and told me to use it on her” rebuffs Kitty perturbed that she would have to defend herself from her sister’s demands.

Mrs. Bennett scans the perpendicular and vertical orange stripes as well as the pale circles surrounding Lydia’s eyes.  “Well, this just won’t do! Mr. Bennett give me your credit card.  I’ve got to do some intervention.”

In the hallway Mr. Bennett shrugs hopeless to offer any real defense for the future fluxuation of the balance realizing that there will also be condolence purchases as well to mend the wounded spirit.   Mrs. Bennett leans over and kisses him on the cheek to which he jokingly places his hand on his cheek and gushes, “Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons”.

All the girls giggle at the antics of their father even Lydia as she viciously tries to wipe away the stain with an old terry cloth towel to no avail. 

Lydia marches to her room and finds an old trench raincoat in the closet to hide her fashion shame while enroute to the Bright Light Sun Tan salon.