Blood and Fire - Chapter Thirty Seven

“Liz, I just received the strangest thing.  Caroline Bingley sent me a post card telling me that she will be back in town in a couple of months to visit”  puzzled shares Jane absentmindedly finding a place to sit on the couch “I haven’t heard from her in months.”

“Really?  Did she mention Bingley?” curiously asks Liz tentative to learn what Caroline might have written “What did she say?”

“She didn’t mention her brother only that a few other family members might be with her” explains Jane secretly hoping that Bingley is among the group “It doesn’t say much, only that they are coming and that she is looking forward to seeing me again which is strange because I haven’t heard from her or her brother in such a long time.”

“How do you feel about it?” asks Liz wondering if she should share her own personal news “Would you like to see Bingley again?”

“I’ve tried to put him out of my mind, but frankly he is a difficult person to forget.  However, I’ve decided that it is best to greet him as a friend and not be bitter or overly-friendly either” replies Jane having analyzed for hours what she would do if she ran into him again “I hope that we can be friends and not have any remorse.  But I certainly don’t want to sit around and watch him date someone else either” and then with a tone of determination, “If that happens, I’m going to find someplace else to be. I will get over him.”

“How do you feel about him now?” leaning forward Liz cautiously asks not sure what the answer will be.

“I’ve missed him so much.  But I’m tired of my heart hurting too.  If he isn’t interested in me, then it’s time to move on and find someone else who will care about me in the way that I would like them to.  I don’t need to grovel just so he will notice that I’m there” confidently states Jane as if making a mandate for herself “I want to find someone who will appreciate me for who I am and not force me to plead for any attention or affection”.

“I think that is a good and balanced resolution.  But frankly, I don’t think you’ll have much of a problem making him fall in love with you just as much as ever” replies Liz remembering how much Bingley seemed to ardently admire her sister without much effort. “The two of you seemed to get along very well together.  Perhaps he just needs some space to realize how much he does care about you and that he’ll never find anyone like you again either.”

“I hope that is all it is.  I don’t think that I’ve ever met anyone like him” quietly sighs Jane taking out a pastel quilt patch that she has been working on for a new expectant mother in the Baby Song club. “Liz, what’s going on with you?  What happened this last weekend?  Did you see Darcy?”

“Well, yes I did” discreetly explains Liz “Actually I had a wonderful visit with his sister too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” demands Jane not use to her sister’s silence on matters of the heart with her.

“There really hasn’t been a chance and there always seems to be someone else around” honestly explains Liz wondering why herself it has taken so long to talk about the weekend, “if Lydia or Kitty overheard anything I would say, the whole corps and most likely the division would already know about it before I had finished my conversation with you”.

“I should have asked.  I’ve sort-of been caught up with my teaching schedule lately and haven’t had much available ‘sister-time’.  So how did it go?” inquisitively Jane interrogates “I’ve noticed that you’ve been checking your texts and emails a lot lately.  Are you hearing from Darcy?”

Realizing that she has been caught, Liz deeply blushes “Yes, I’ve heard from him a few times since I’ve been back” looking down and avoiding her sister’s eyes.

“You’ve heard from him more than that” frankly states Jane pushing her sister’s confession “How often do you hear from him?”

Liz rolls her eyes and smiles grateful to finally tell someone “Nearly every day, he sends something to me.  I didn’t realize how intelligent, thoughtful, and funny he was.  His notes are so sweet.”

“Liz!  Why didn’t you tell me?  You tell me everything!” perplexed inquires Jane “How are things between the two of you?”

“Hmmm… I would say definitely more than friends but I don’t want to move too quickly in my hopes for us in case I get ahead of him and where he thinks our relationship should be” gently explains Liz but continues with a more honest answer “I really don’t want to get hurt again, but I’ve never felt this way before and he is worth waiting for.”

“Do you think that you could see the two of you together for a lifetime?” romantically Jane asks “Is he someone that you could see yourself loving?”

“Jane, you are asking a lot of questions” informs Liz a little uncomfortable with her sister’s questions, but unable to keep her feelings to herself tenderly sighs “Yes, I think it would be quite easy to love him for a lifetime. We get along really well and have so much in common too.  It’s like we have known each other forever.”

“Has he said anything about how he is feeling?” carefully asks Jane hoping that it is not another case like her own of unrequited love “What sort-of things does he say?”

“He’s very sweet in his notes and he’s left several hints, but he hasn’t actually said he loves me yet” disappointed with this revelation confesses Liz “I think he cares for me, but it would also be nice to know for sure too”.

“When will you see him again?” asks Jane not fully aware of her sister’s organized schedule “Are there any divisional events coming up anytime soon?”

“Congress is in June of course, and then Youth Councils is next month but other than that there is only women’s ministries camp and I doubt that he would be attending” considers Liz “I’ll have to wait until he has some time-off to come down. I’ve already taken all my vacation time for the year.”

“Did you invite him to Lydia’s 18^th birthday party next week?”  Helpfully suggests Jane hoping that another one of his friends might come along too, “Maybe he could come then and spend some time with you.  He would have a reason to come without everybody talking too much.”

“I think that I might have mentioned it, but I didn’t exactly invite him.  Jane, that’s a good idea!” excitedly Liz bringing out her phone from her jacket to send a quick text “Maybe he can take the weekend to come down for a visit.”

“Liz, what are you smiling about?” curiously asks Jane watching her sister read a text on her phone.

“Darcy sent a text letting me know he was thinking of me today” informs Liz treasuring the handful of words that make up a thoughtful sentence and then sending a message in return “There … I’ve invited him to the party.”

“I hope Lydia behaves herself.  I don’t think that I’ve told you because I didn’t know how you would feel about it.  She’s been going out with Wickham which mom has encouraged while you’ve not been around these last couple of months” discloses Jane “I think they are getting serious with each other.”

“I think he’s a little too old for her, don’t you?” asks Liz “Is he serious about her?”

“I don’t know.  I think he’s a flirt.  He likes talking to all the girls and doesn’t seem to really focus on one, unless they are giving him enough attention at the moment that he manages to keep his eyes off of someone else in the room” disgusted remarks Jane “He’s way too into himself for my tastes, but Lydia somehow finds that type of behavior attractive.”

“Wickham was friendly, but at the same time I also was not at all impressed with his excessive need for attention and flattery from other women. He seems a bit too consumed with how he looks as well” Liz thoughtfully reflects “I don’t think he would make a good partner,  I’d always feel like he was looking for something better to come along and that type of guy is definitely not worth the energy it takes to keep them interested”.

“Yes, I agree.  They are too busy making sure to have what they want to give anything of themselves to anyone else” states Jane having experienced a relationship or two similar to that before when she was younger. “I was always going out of my way doing nice things, calling them, being available, and in the end what did I get for the effort? Every time just a little more selfishness on their part being demanded of me.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think Lydia will notice the difference compared to being with someone better for her until she gets Wickham out-of-her-system” offers Liz knowing how deeply a crush can affect a young girl until she matures and realizes what she needs and what she does not.

“Well, maybe it will be over soon and we won’t have to worry about it any longer” suggests Jane ignoring what her intuition is telling her “Lydia floats from one interest to the next on practically a daily basis.  It will probably amount to nothing.  She’s too young for him anyway.”

“You’re probably right” agrees Liz but with some amount of apprehension.  She decides to save expressing what Darcy has shared with her as he requested rationalizing to herself. “It won’t matter anyway, Wickham will move on if she doesn’t before then”.